why am I so lazy ?
I was asked to go out for lunch with a coworker today, but I feel too lazy, self centred, fearful of driving where I have never been.
I don’t have close friends and this maybe my reason, I have pain in my chest thinking about it ( like and elephant sitting on my chest). I do have depression and extreme anxiety, ( Due to two customers attacking me verbally and physically on the same day ). If I take anything for anxiety, it makes me tired and I take a 1/2 of the weakest tablet I have be prescribed.
I have been through counciling and still see a psychiatrist, and am taking medication but still I find it so hard to attach to anyone, and go to new places, especially shopping centres ( this is where I mainly work, as a Demonstrator)
I have just come back to my local coffee shop as I’ve stated before, it’s not flash but the coffee is good. I had to get out of home. I have my husband now working from home, he never pre warned me that this was happening but it has. I also have my 74 year old father living with me, that I cannot take to him is an understatement (long story kept for another time as its a very long long story).
I had to get out. It started witth my husbands phone sitting close to the computer, he gets feedback thru the speakers which is quite loud ( my head is screaming “move your freakin phone”. Then as I get out of the shower he is looking for something, I ask what he is looking for and he says the kitten ( the kitten, Dexter is 18 month old now). I just stand there thinking, why? Why is he looking for Dex?, when he is supposed to be working, why is he not working? My head is hurting at this point, after I had my father stand in the hall saying ” knock knock” I was in my bedroom getting dressed and had my iPhone up loud playing Sam Smith, and I did not want to answer as my husband was in the dining room to answer his question.
The husband was too busy looking for Dex, then sitting in the recliner on the phone speaking so loud I could hear him outside at my car ( my head is screaming, shut up … SHUT UP … SHUT UP)
I have been a type 1 diabetic since 1973, since the beginning of urine testing and the dip strips. Since then technology has moved me from the glass syringe, to the disposable syringes, flexpen and now the pump.
I had a really rough childhood with diabetes, in and out of hospital, missed half of 5th class and had no report card for that year.
I also had parents that made me feel as diabetes was all my fault and made me feel different to everyone else.
I have 3 children, having spent 8 months hospitalised due to diabetes and being pregnant as a 17 year old.
Now my oldest child has type 1 diabetes, previously diagnosed with type 2 when she was in her 20’s, she was told that she had got it from me by a General Practitioner.